Thursday, 25 April 2013

There is Light at the End

Disclaimer: This is long...and I rant.

I can’t believe it. Last night was like heaven…..for the most part!
Before I even got home I was apprehensive. I knew, in my mind, what was in store for us.

We left late from the farm and so I was already a little bit worked up.

My time between getting off work and Lil Mister going to bed is so busy and cramped…I absolutely hate it if I’m rushing on top of that!

I stopped by Hubby Dearest to give him money to just pick up eggs and bread before coming home from work and then got Lil Mister from school.

At school, the aftercare teacher (who is a friend of ours mom!) is complaining that I pick Lil Mister up too late in the evenings. Apparently, she is only supposed to work until 5:15 and I’m usually there between 5:20 and 5:25. I understand that now we’re approaching winter and she is alone at the school with the kids and it is getting dark. It isn’t safe….but there really is NOTHING I can do.
I feel like she thinks I’m out gallivanting after work and then just rock up whenever to get my son. Let me assure EVERYONE that .is.not.the.case!
I WORK until 5pm. That means we shut down our computers and lock the offices at 5 pm. Not 4:55. Not even 4:58. 5pm! So by the time you do that and get to your car it is about 5:05…praying one of the directors or someone else on the farm doesn’t need a last minute chat with you about who knows what (because half the time when this happens you’re talking and I’m thinking about going home…I see your lips moving but I don’t hear a thing!).
The drive from work takes 15 minutes…if…IF there is not traffic (i.e. giant truck driving half the speed limit refusing to let anyone pass!).
Do the math…if everything goes perfect and I leave on time I can only guarantee I’ll be there by 5:20. What.do.you.expect.me.to.do???
Okay on with the subject….

We go home…Lil Mister is good. LJ is happy and Mommy is defrosting some frozen, precooked bbq chicken to go with the eggs I’d planned on making.
Hubby comes home….without a grocery bag.
We greet…I ask where’s the groceries….
Silence and wide eyes is all I get.
He proceeds to realize that he left it SITTING OUTSIDE HIS WORKS DOORS.
I mean seriously people. SERIOUSLY.
Vin jumps on his bike and goes to see if its there….
Wha wha wha…it’s gone.
I’m in tears. It is 3 days before payday and that was literally like the last money we had!! I’m not rich here. I cut things to the T every month!! It is how it is.
Furiously, I manage to microwave some potatoes to make mash and heat up some veggies on the stove and whip together a quick gravy

Harsh words were exchanged. Guilt accusing glances were given. And the next 30 minutes were a bit uncomfortable.
Needless to say, we could have handled it better.
All along…Lil Mister is an angel.

I’m in panic mode as I dig for change to buy a last loaf of bread! Anger is welling inside of me.

As we’re eating, Hubby receives a phone call. A co-worker had seen the bag afterwards and picked it up for him. He’ll get the food today.

Emotions flood. I’m relieved. I’m happy. I’m praising God!

Then it hits….

Why didn’t I do that to begin with?

Yes it was our last money. Yes it was a silly mistake. Yes it was stressful. But why did I immediately switch into ‘Shana must make a plan mode’ rather than trusting that GOD was making…had a plan!! I immediately am questioning why is this happening? What am I to do? Where are we going to get money to get us through now?

Instead…I should have been saying ‘God, this is your plan. What do I need to know here? I know you’re going to provide for us.’

And even though I doubted and questioned…He did provide for us!

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34
The rest of the evening went better. The kids bathed. Lil Mister was so cute blowing bubles in the water and sharing his fishes with LJ. Afterwards, LJ fell right asleep and we settled down to have tea.
I thought the fight was coming. The moment he saw that sippy cup he curled his toes and refused it. But it ended there. Instead he drank my tea from my cup and laid down with Hubby Dearest.

And…

Went.to.sleep!

No fight. No tears. Nothing!
About 20 minutes later, Hubby put a nappy on him and carried him to his bed. He stayed there, asleep, until about 4 am!!

He then woke up…screamed a little for milk.
He got in trouble for swearing :-/
Went back to his bed where he continued to cry for about 30 minutes.
I finished feeding LJ and heard he had gotten quiet so I went back to sleep.
At 5am I stood up to go shower and checked on him.
He was lying in his bed very well behaved with his Barney.
He asks to watch cartoons.
I turn them on for him and we continue our morning peacefully.

He eats, gets dressed, brushes teeth and we go to school!!

I am so proud of him! The whole night without any problems!!!!

On a side note:
This lil guy DID not want to wake up this morning. Here he is fighting it!

The WHAM I'm awake and ready to go Mommy!!!


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Shana..

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