Our conversation yesterday after work….
Hubby: You won’t believe what happened today.
Me: (getting excited but nervous because I’m not sure if this is a good or bad ‘you won’t believe’) What happened??
Hubby: I had a visitor at work.
Me: umm….elaborate. Who? (I can feel my stomach twisting up. I hate suspense.)
Me: (mouth open….) Umm….he…wha…how?
Hubby: Florah. (Obviously at this moment he is staring at me like I’m clinically insane. I mean how else would our 4 month old son get to his work?!? By his nanny of course!)
This is where mommy overdrive kicks in.
Me: (without taking a breath) Was he in his pram? What time was it? Was it sunny? Did she have the visor on? What was he wearing? Did he have toys? Where was his spoek duke (toweling nappy for spit ups)? WHY? How long where they there? Was everything okay?
Hubby: (still just looking at me like I’m loosing it..I probably am) Yes. Somewhere around 10. Not so sunny but yes the visor was on. He was dressed warm but not in winter clothes. Yes, his toy rack was there with his nappy. She had a question about her contract and they left after like 10 minutes. She had to show everyone how much LJ loves her! Everything was fine. I was just surprised because she didn’t have a bottle with her for him.
(At this point I give Hubby big props because he manages to always remember every single question I splatter out at moments like this and answers them in order…every.single.time!)
Me: (breathing for the first time) oh, ok. Well, ten minutes (Hubby’s work is like a 5 minute walk). She probably walked right after he ate and therefore didn’t need a bottle with. I’ll speak to her about making sure she takes bottles with her though always just in case. And nappies. Well, a diaper bag in general.
And mommy obsession comes….
See…no one; I repeat NO ONE can run my house like I can. I am an expert when it comes to my house and my children. It is MY house and MY children. I must know every single situation and be prepared for it all. (No, I’m not a prepper don’t worry….I have God for that!)
Point in example….
I have a dish cloth for washing dishes and cleaning counters but a completely separate one for cleaning the stove. You cannot use the same soap powder I use for doing laundry to wash the dish clothes. They must be washed by hand and use a particular bar of soap. They get scrubbed, soaked, scrubbed, hung in the sun. When the soap is dried, then you scrub again and rinse, hang to dry. IT MUST BE DONE THIS WAY. Yes, I’m slightly severly OCD about these things. Although my dish clothes can have color on them, they need to be primarily white. I want to SEE they are clean and therefore I want white! Why is this? Because I am an expert and this is the ONLY proper way to do it.
But a bath towel cannot be white. I hate white bath towels. Despise them. I have bath towels that hang in both bathrooms. You cannot use these towels. I have separate towels for guests that are put away and come out if you stay over. These towels that hang are purely for decoration. I am the expert when it comes to bathroom ethics and you DO NOT use decorative towels for any purpose.
The pillows on my bed must go a certain way. The continentals go at the back with our rectangular normal ones in front. All small decorative pillows in front. The white side of the duvet must be up and my blue blanket folded ONE TIME length wise stretches over the corner of my side of the bed. Why? Because then…then the bed is made perfectly.
Hubby asks me everyday what to dress Lil Mister in and gets scared if I say I haven’t picked anything out. Why? Because I am their MOM. I know exactly what they need to wear.
Are you getting the picture??
I set the routines. I set the bed times. I choose the nutrition. I am a complete control freak! Why?
Because I am the expert on my family. I have all the answers. I have all the solutions. I know what, who, why, when, and where. And if I don’t….ha who am I kidding?? I do! ;-)
I very rarely ask anyones opinion on how things look or are in my house and my closet friends know that if I do…it is typically safe that you are suppose to agree with whatever I am doing. I however have very little opinion on you house. It is yours…do as you please! ;-)
So when it came time to decide what to say I’m an expert on…I turned to the expert…Hubby Dearest!!! ;-) GOTCHA THERE
Me: I need your help because I can’t come up with anything good for this weeks blog topic. They asked us to tell what we’re an expert on because everyone thinks they’re expert somewhere. So since you’re the expert on me ;-) what is my expertise?? And don’t worry I won’t get mad! LoL
Hubby: History. Politics. Interesting fun facts and debates.
See why I love him ;-)