This is a post I actually wrote over two years back....long before I ever began to blog. I wrote it as a journal entry and shared it on a baby website. I thought as I begin the transition into walking with LJ....I'd share my first reactions via Lil Mister with all of you!
As I calmed back down and continued in awe to watch my son play, a very deep, disconcerting thought came over me. Will I get this excited every time my son manages to ‘stand’ on his own? Even more, am I teaching my son to ‘stand’ on his own? The solid, steady, and firm yet soft ground provided by our carpeted living room floor was the perfect beginning foundation that he needed. It is much different outside in the world where the grounds become gravel, bumpy, uneven, twisting, winding, and unstable. I could feel my heart rate rising again as I contemplated every moment my husband and I had spent investing in our sons life. Are we busy building a solid, steady, and firm foundation for our son?
I see the images flash quickly through my mind of all the opportunities he will come across in which he must ‘stand.’ Am I prepared for those days when he will let go of my hand and ‘stand’ on his own two feet? A day will come in which he is asked to stand against peer pressure. He will be expected to stand up for what is right. He will be required to make a choice and stand by that decision. He will no longer want to be wrapped in my arms, protected from the world, but he will stand, ready at the forefront, prepared to take the reins. Will I be as excited then to see him stand as I am today?
As a young parent, I feel the weight of judgment upon me. I do not doubt that parents of all ages feel this way. I, however, feel that my husband and I are at a point in our lives in which there are still ample opportunities for us to do so much. The world my son is growing up in is vastly and very quickly changing. It is already so different and so much more diverse than the one I experienced a mere 23 years ago.� The pain and suffering of this world only seems to grow more rapidly every day. Murders, rapes, racisms, prejudices, terrorists, it all seems to be too much for a person to comprehend. How do I raise my son to be morally strong, grounded in his values, and steadfast in his learning in such an upside down world?
My head was spinning, my heart pounding, and I could feel the anxiety eating away at my nerves. But just like clockwork, in his own perfect timing, my son looked straight at me and laughed. I quickly came to reality and once again picked him up for a hug (secretly hoping this time he would give me a hug). He calms me, reminds me of how simple it all can be, and lets me know that we will in time learn what needs to be learnt and teach each other what we can. Every moment is special.