Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Why I just don't want to do anything....

I’m supposed to be posting my fifth installment of Kids ‘n Worship. It’s written. I’ve got the graphics finished. It’s totally waiting for us, but it’s going to have to continue to wait.

Why? I’m just not feeling it. In fact....I’m not feeling much other than my bed! No seriously peeps....I really want my bed right now.
This is an old photo...but this is what I want!
It’s strange for me to feel this way. I’ve contemplated going to the doctor for a checkup on my PPD, then again I forget to take my pills half the time so there isn’t much he can say for me other than to remember my darn pill and then see if things improve.

This is the precise reason why my preferred BC is the shot....I’m terrible at remembering to take a darn pill. Even with an alarm on my phone...the darn thing always goes off when I’m busy doing something else. I’ll set it for morning time...then I’m running late or the little has a poo nappy or I’m already at work for a meeting. Then I spend all day stressing that I was an hour off!

But, I digress.  There are other factors at work right now. (Take your frackin’ meds woman!)
First of all....my ears are killing me. Like seriously, I am in so much pain. I need to get to a doctor for some more meds (more alarms!) but I’m not sure if I leave for a doctors appointment (verses being booked off sick) if it is personal leave or sick leave. You see, we’re headed to Durban next month to visit our Ouma and Oupa. I have JUST ENOUGH vacation days to cover our trip. So...if doctors appointment isn’t under sick leave....then I ain’t going! Pain...you’ll just have to kick my butt a little longer.

Secondly, can I address the elephant in the room? You know...the one I’m actually not supposed to be talking about. I’ve done pretty good to ignore it, but slowly it’s crept into my heart, mind, and well, everything.
There is this gigantic, upsetting feud going on a work. One that I’m really not supposed to know much about, but thanks to because of lots of conversations that happen in my office, I know much more than I’m comfortable with.
I’m not supposed to talk about any of it....so most days...everyday I walk around with a theoretical monkey on my back.
I spend 10 hours a day, 5 days a week at work. They are like my family. And right now....it feels like I’m in the middle of my parents divorce all over again.
I’m going home exhausted from the meer exhaustion of mental and emotional stress that we are under every day.
We attempt to still laugh and joke, but what we are all really doing....is waiting. Waiting for the storm winds to calm down. Waiting for the big change to happen. Waiting for some kind of solid news on what in the HECK is going on....my heart is tired of waiting.

Thirdly, I have a giant to do list that I am not even close to accomplishing anything. Typically, I take one thing each day that I know is fesible to accomplish and do it. But lately, as in like the last two weeks....I’ve done nothing. Why? See above two points.
But seriously people, I’ve fallen a little stray to my normal organized path and am just having troubles finding the motivation to put myself back on. Instead, I silently watch the list grow like a carnivorous plant....ignoring my pending demise.

Fourthly, I am drinking entirely too much coffee. Did you see this photo today on Facebook? 
I’m serious people...that right there is the new coffee cups at work. A FULL 500ml. I drink that....like 6 times! Which means, not including morning coffee, after work coffee, after dinner coffee, and before bed coffee (do I sound kind of like the hobbits in Lord of the Rings?)
cooking4noobs.net
 I drink 3L of coffee just at work! 3 FRACKIN’ L.....oh my. That is a lot (I kind of only realized exactly how much I’m drinking as I write this).
So, I’m having no coffee Thursdays. It used to be Fridays, but who the heck do I think I’m kidding....about the only thing that keeps me through a Friday is coffee and the promise of the glass of wine waiting on me at home!
Okay...therefore Thursdays! You’re all gonna Tweet and message me lots of encouragement on Thursday right?

Is about to be three?!?
Fifthly, I don’t think there really is a fifth point. I’m just blah. I want a bath and my bed and some seriously strong something for these ears!
Can you believe this Lil Mister.....
















That is all...

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XOXxx

Shana Danae..


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